
The silences in us

poem interpretations & more
Have you ever
Heard your city at night?
She will talk to you
Of what she saw in the light.
Talk of the lovers who kissed
for the first time on the bridge and
the homeless man below it,
weakened more today,
closer to death a little bit.
Politicians talking of welfare
in front of a crowd,
and plotting warfare
as soon as the masks come down.
I see it all,
I hear it all
and I bear it all.
Still, if ever
you need a listening ear
and a friend near,
you will find me here.
Just come over
at night, when everyone sleeps.
Stand on a bridge
Feel the wind in your hair
Stare into the dark waters below.
Or go to a park
Feel the air in your lungs
Rest your hand on a tree
Dig your heels in the soil.
I am here, with you
Through it all
Tell me your story
And I will tell you mine.
You and I,
We shall be fine.
I look for you when I am alone
The only one who felt like home
.
Frantically, my panic has grown
Then I realize –
In everything,
In my very being,
you are shown
.
You are me and I am you
I am not alone
Narcissists keep collecting a lot of bad karma/deeds in their life. Most of these deeds are done because of the desires that a narcissist has. Narcissist’s desires keep them unsatisfied and always in a state of unease. They cannot really surrender to life and the moment that is. They are always either playing a victim or hero about something in the past or they are projecting into the future, working towards a certain goal. Either way, the present moment is not satisfactory for them. They are never present.
The song below is a great warning to all narcissists. Informing them of their impending doom and grounding them to reality. It is a bit dark but a helpful warning to anyone who is too much into their ego.
Song and translation is given below. It is from a Pakistani drama OST. The drama is called ‘Wabaal’ which means – calamity, ruin, misfortune, crime, sin.
Meaning :
You are a crazy, wild and unwise person
About what small thing are you going to stir up drama now?
Stop taking this physical world so seriously
This wrestling (ego-fights in the world) are going to stop with as soon as you leave this world (when you die)
.
This desire is a whirlpool
There is no end to it
Desire is such a prayer
Which doesn’t satisfy ever
.
Getting your desires is not in your will
.
Human, o human
Don’t keep following your desires
Everything is God/Source/Consciousness
You are nothing
x2
.
If you listen to the heart’s desires,
it will tell you to get the Moon on the Earth.
And then you will want it’s glow
to be attached on your clothes.
.
If you want to swim
in the ocean of your desires,
Trade yourself for it
And forget your happiness
.
Don’t be in a relationship with only what your heart wants
Sometimes learn to surrender to what is happening
God/Source/Consciousness has given you so many blessings
Sometimes sit alone and count all of them
.
Desires are like conspiracies
They will ask you questions
They will make you sell yourself
And make you commit many sins/mistakes
.
Every minute, you will crave for peace (but you won’t get it)
It will make your life that absurd
.
This desire is a whirlpool
There is no end to it
Desire is such a prayer
Which doesn’t satisfy ever
.
Getting your desires is not in your will
.
Human, o human
Don’t keep following your desires
Everything is God/Source/Consciousness
You are nothing
x2
.
You are a crazy, wild and unwise person
About what small issue are you going to stir up drama now?
Once a human does enough work on their spirituality and integrates all aspects of their broken psyche – they will start seeing some part of themselves being reflected in everyone. This feeling of oneness is precious. There is no other, all are one. In such a state of oneness, a person starts knowing everyone as a manifestation of the supreme beloved who is the creator, sustainer and destroyer of this reality that we all play a part in. It is a bliss to be in this state of oneness.
Here is a beautiful Kalaam (spiritual discourse) by Hazrat Shah Niyaz (Sufi poet) sung by the amazing Sufi singer Abida Parveen. This Kalaam discusses how a person who has experienced this kind of oneness will then see God/Creator/Beloved in every person whom they meet. My translation & interpretation of it is below the video.
Meaning :
I am needy person, who needs you
I will feel very dearly the sorrow for a beloved like you
You are the Sun; my eye is alight with your beauty
If I give you up, to whom can I go?
.
I saw my beloved in all I saw
At times revealed, hidden at times
.
At times a possibility, at times imperative
At times ephemeral, at times eternal
.
At times Creator was an emperor with an addiction of power and the throne
At other times, was seen as a beggar with a begging bowl in hands
.
At times in the form of a beautiful lover
Creator was showing charms and grace
.
At times a lover like Shah Niyaz Ahmad (poet’s name)
He was seen beating his chest in grief with a heart full of pain
.
At times revealed, hidden at times
I saw my beloved in all I saw
.
Top image is roof of Hafez’s tomb (Hāfezieh) located in Shiraz, Iran.
Root chakra healing is the base for all other healings. A healed root chakra helps a person feel stable, secure, safe and abundant. People who grew up in unsafe/narcissistic/dysfunctional environments need a lot of Mooladhar (Root) chakra healing. Whenever a person goes through change or a transformation, they require support. But unfortunately, for kids who grew up without a good support system, every change seemed like a threat. This triggers the person’s nervous system to go into ‘fight or flight’ mode. Even as an adult when this person faces any change in life, their body will remember and go into the same memory – mind, body state which they used to be as a child. But healing this is possible in many ways. One way is through music and musical instruments.
‘Shehnai’ is a musical instrument which is said to heal a person’s Mooladhar (Root) chakra. It is commonly played at weddings. Recently, I heard a song which has a great piece of shehnai instrument playing. The rest of the song is wonderful as well, sung by the amazing singer Atif Aslam (hits all the high notes beautifully). It is an OST for a new Pakistani drama. Below is the song and a translation of the lyrics in English.
P.S.: For all those who don’t know Shehnai’s sound, it plays in the middle of the song @ 1:53.
Translation of lyrics in English :
There is love, there is passion
Or is this the wonder of bliss
What do you know of this
Oh ignorant sad life (of mine)
You are wonderful
That one who hasn’t met himself
How will he meet you?
He is ignorant and he is lost
How will he meet you?
You are in the city of your wishes
You are on the journey of your love
You are not aware of your existence
Or even bothered about it
Here and there, everywhere
Where are you going again?
Are you again looking for that
stone that is like a moon? (Metaphor for something that cannot be acquired)
Life – you have many faces
And every face has many colors
How do you expect to get flowers
When what you hold in your hands are stones
That which was never heard or told
An unheard life story
He isn’t bothered if he has a large travel party with him
Because he is the travel party even by himself
That one who hasn’t met himself
How will he meet you?
He is ignorant and he is lost
How will he meet you?
Here and there, everywhere
Where are you going again?
Are you again looking for that
stone that is like a moon? (Metaphor for something that cannot be acquired)
The wound is where the light entered me
Such mysteries have come to surface
These came and settled in my eyes
All the pains that my lips could not speak
Scorpio is a season to heal with the darkness. It is a season to dive deep into the depths of your madness, darkness, shadows and subconscious. Hitting rock bottom and staying there, getting rock bottom so imprinted on your heart that you can reach there in few seconds whenever you want to. The advantage of this practice is that once you know how to access your emotional rockbottom at will, you will be able to control all negative emotions and they won’t control you anymore. It means being intimate with the parts of you, that scare you the most. Just like the scorpion is comfortable living in cold, dark places where not many other creatures can survive. You will have befriended your demons, your shadows, the ones you ran from all your life. And what follows is a life of wholeness – where you can welcome darkness and light with equal love 🖤
Here is a beautiful song, by artist Lana Del Rey, perfect for the Scorpio season – of the old dying and the new beginning.
Some pictures to go with the song :
For how long
Do you plan to pretend?
For sooner or later
The mask always slips
The thousand masks
That you wear
Do not help hide
The ugliness from the Creator
For He always sees you
Completely naked
Like the day He created you
A perfect song to go with this poem (please turn on captions to understand the lyrics) :
Image source : https://discover.hubpages.com/health/Tactics-of-a-Narcissistic-Mother
This is a question I think about often because I have clients who struggle with addictions and I can really relate to some of the experiences that have been shared with me in my office. In my humble opinion as a therapist there actually are quite a bit of similarities between us survivors and individuals suffering from addictions. At the very least I have seen them in myself. Let me try to explain what I mean here. If you have ever been with an addict when they need their next hit or are in withdrawal you can almost feel their panic, anxiety, and sense of urgency. Depending on their level of dependency and what their addiction is, certain addicts would do almost anything to find their next fix. Once they take that drink or drug, the addict feels a sense of calm and relief and temporarily all is good in their world; however, this calm and peaceful state doesn’t last too long and before they know it, they are desperate for that next high when the substance leaves their system.
If you are a survivor or still in a narcissistic relationship you probably know all too well the power of trauma bonding and the confusion that is caused by the cycle of love bombing, idealize, devalue and discard. Many narcissists like for us to be dependent on them either emotionally or financially so they can control, manipulate and abuse us. They are masters at creating this dependency without their victims understanding or knowing that is their goal. The prince or princess charming act sweeps us off our feet and that mask that they showed us during the love bombing phase becomes the drug that we crave.
I know that when my narcissist would play push-pull games I would feel so confused, panicked, and anxious. I would rack my brain trying to figure out what was going on and how I could make it better. I was willing to do anything to make the relationship work and felt so dysregulated when he would suddenly disappear. This caused such disruption in my eating, sleeping and even my ability to go to work. I just didn’t feel like me! Eventually he would come back, show me attention, give me just enough affection and I would feel that sense of relief, just like the addict does when he/she takes a hit. I would then feel hopeful that my wonderful romantic thoughtful most perfect partner (who never really existed) was back or at least on his way back…… but then the cycle would start all over again. Before I knew it, I was in another state of panic and urgency trying to get him to come back and make things better.
The more times that you go through this cycle and the more extreme differences you see from the love bombing to the discard phase, the more you are going to feel confused, panicked, and anxious or the more you may present like an addict looking for that fix. Just like how your body can develop a dependency on a substance, unfortunately the way the central nervous system works and the chemicals that your body releases during the cycles of narcissistic abuse, you can feel the same way about a person. Cognitively I knew that my relationship was unhealthy and that this was a self-destructive pattern but I was so deep into the trauma bond and so desperate for love and that “fix”, I kept engaging in behaviors that were bad for me again and again.
Also, similarly to some individuals struggling with addictions I was in denial. I focused and put too much weight on how I felt when I had my narcissist and decided to ignore the chaos, pain, and problems he was causing in my life when he would disappear. My friends and family would try to intervene and tell me I needed to “quit” him but their words went in one ear and out the other. I wanted what I wanted and unfortunately that was a toxic relationship. I just wasn’t able to think clearly because both my brain and central nervous system were offline!
Going no contact, just like quitting a substance cold turkey, is hard work and sometimes depending on your circumstances, not realistic right away. But just like with drinking or drugs, you need to quit and not use the substance anymore to kick the habit. You also need to distance yourself from people and things associated with your old “addict lifestyle”. Just like with addictions, there is so much temptation “to use” and many people relapse, just like us survivors can during hovering.
The good news is that addictions and narcissistic abuse recovery also have something important in common; these are two very treatable conditions. You do not have to stay stuck here. You can break free, get treatment, figure out the patterns and get healthy. Even if you relapse and fall off the “narcissistic survivor wagon”, you can start over and get back on. Remember to be kind to yourself if this happens. Your central nervous system and other centres of your brain have been altered and impacted by toxic love but you can heal and become healthy……. And you will!
Jenny Tamasi, Survivor and Author of The Psychologist & Her Narcissists A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships
Narasimha, according to Hinduism, was the fourth avatar of Vishnu. In this form, Vishnu had the body of a man, but he had a head of a lion. This avatar of Vishnu is also a symbol of great strength. He is a form of divine anger. When evil increases beyond a limit, it is divine anger which restores balance on this Earth. Praying to God Narasimha is great for a person’s Manipur chakra, i.e., the energy centre of their identity. It strengthens a person’s confidence, belief in themselves and balances their ego. It helps them assert and keep their boundaries.
A beautiful Kundalini mantra by Nirinjan Kaur can help us balance our solar plexus and bring it to the strength similar to that of Lord Narasimha. Here is the mantra (translation below), listen to it for 40 days and see the difference in your self confidence :
Meaning of the mantra (taken from https://spiritvoyage.com) :
The Name of the Immaculate Narayan(Lord) is the Ambrosial Water.
Chanting it with the tongue, sins are washed away.
The Lord abides in everyone.
The Lord illumines each and every heart.
Chanting the Lord’s Name, one does not fall into hell.
Serving the Lord, all fruitful rewards are obtained.
Within my mind is the Support of the Lord.
The Lord is the boat to help you sail the waters of this world.
Chant the Lord’s Name, and the Messenger of Death will run away.
The Lord helps you see through the illusion of Maya.
The Lord is forever and ever the Forgiver.
The Lord blesses us with peace and bliss.
The Lord has revealed His glory.
The Lord is the mother and father of His Saint.
The Lord, the Lord, is in the company of simple people, i.e., the Company of the Holy.
Time and time again, I sing the Lord’s Praises.
Meeting with the Guru, I have attained the
incomprehensible object Nanak has grasped.